


Too Late

by soapficgal



Category: All My Children
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 21:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5718328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soapficgal/pseuds/soapficgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aidan reflects on the state of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late

  
It should have been different. All of it never should have happened, but the fact to the matter is that I’m caught up in a moment and a time where I’m surrounded by things that I can’t change. I wish that there were some way to go back in time--to see what was right before my eyes all of that time, but I can’t. If only I could take back that moment in time when I let her walk out of my life. If I could only have found a way to clear her name before now, then we wouldn’t be here in this position with one another. Even now as I look down at the glass in my hands, I find myself wondering why I’m sitting in the middle of this nearly empty bar when I should be by her bedside. I should be holding her hand and supporting her with all that I am, but I just can’t bring myself to face the reality that I’ve put her in. I tried to be strong, but her pain only serves as a reminder of the horrible situation that has escalated.  
  
I’ve failed her. Time and time again that statement has gone through my mind over and over. It’s become by own personal foreboding mantra since the moment I found her at the bottom of that bomb shelter barely holding on at death’s door. I should have pulled her out of that sooner. I should have listened to my instincts instead of giving up so easily. I shouldn’t have let my frustrations take the best of me, yet as Greenlee lays in the hospital fighting for her life, it’s the ultimate proof that I’ve let her down just like the others. I promised her that I would move heaven and Earth to keep her safe, but seeing her in such a fragile condition only further reminds me that I’ve fallen further than I ever thought possible in those moments with Kendall.  
  
Kendall. Just the sound of her name puts me on edge knowing how we crossed the point of no return with one another when we should have been fighting for the ones we loved. If I hadn’t been so quick to let go of the hopes that were keeping me alive for that long torturous month that Greenlee was trapped fighting for her life with Zach, then perhaps this would have had a far different outcome. After the months that Zach and Kendall worked to destroy Greenlee, I lost sight of what was important. If only I would have searched a bit more. If only I could have found it in myself to keep believing in our love long enough to open my eyes to what was in my grasp all along.  
  
“Can I get you another?” the woman behind the bar asks motioning to my drink, but I decline. I can’t allow myself to lose myself completely when I need to be at the hospital with Greenlee. I need to show her that even after the mistakes I’ve made that I love her--that she’s my everything. If I lose her, then I know that I’ll never recover. I’ll never be able to face that kind of pain again after seeing what it was like to have her stolen from my life once before. She is my heart, my soul and the only woman who has ever truly loved me as I am. Her love is unconditional and doesn’t come at the same price that every other romance I’ve experienced has brought upon me. She sees through the walls I’ve tried to build around me and hide behind. She trusts me with all that she is and I’ve let her down.  
  
“Aidan,” I hear a voice call out to me. I turn on the barstool and much to my surprise and dismay I see Kendall approaching. I stiffen at the nearness of her, guilt eating me alive as her eyes search onto me bringing forth memories of the night we shared with one another--to the night that was never meant to happen, yet those moments in time that neither one of us can escape from.   
  
In that instant, Kendall’s face is replaced by the pained expression on Greenlee’s face and that memory shifts to the one where I’m holding Greenee’s hand while she’s at death’s door fighting for every breath inside of her. All I can think about is the ways in which I wanted to show Greenlee that I could shelter her from the cruel world surrounding her, but instead all I’m surrounded with is her pain--her misery and her desperate fight for her life. I should have kept searching. I should have told myself that she wasn’t gone. I should have known.  
  
“I didn’t expect to find you here after the way you ran out of the hospital,” Kendall offers up placing her hand on my shoulder serving as another reminder of our proximity. We’re too close for comfort and I can feel that she senses it as well as she draws back. Our eyes meet again before guilt tears at the both of us, our shameful secret eating us both alive. I try to come up with something to say to her, but instead I stand up knowing that this isn’t something either one of us are ready to face yet.  
  
“I’m sorry,” I apologize, not quite sure what it is that I’m saying it for. Could it be because of the way I’d allowed our grief to compromise us when I saw her tears? Is it because while Kendall and I were seeking comfort from one another Greenlee and Zach were fighting for their lives praying for a miracle that wasn’t coming for them? Is it simply because no matter how hard I tried to banish the night from my life, it’s still there serving as a constant reminder of things that should have gone unspoken, feelings that never should have been shared in those moments of passion between us.   
  
I love Greenlee. I’m sure of that just as sure as I am of Kendall’s feelings for Zach, yet in being close to her all that I can think about was our tears, our anguish and the ways in which it killed me to see her cry. I close my eyes and remember the pain that carried over her--the pain that I had imprinted to my very soul. Then, my thoughts return to Greenlee and the hell she’ll endure in discovering the madness that Kendall and I had fallen into during our grief.  
  
“Greenlee’s awake,” Kendall explained to me in a neutral tone, doing her best to reveal nothing about her emotions. She thinks that her poker face is enough to keep our guilt at bay, but I know better. I know her heart just as I know my own. This is killing the both of us. It’s a never ending torture that we’ve brought upon ourselves and just wishing it away won’t make it end. She forces a polite, yet strained smile before speaking up again, “I just thought you should know.”  
  
“I was on my way back to the hospital,” I explain more so myself than anything else. I reach for my jacket only to feel Kendall’s hand upon my own.  
  
“Aidan, we need to talk. There‘s something I need to tell you,” Kendall whispers in a voice so quiet that the words are only meant for my ears. I know that she’s trying to be discreet about the situation, but the heat of her whisper is enough to put me on edge. There’s something behind her eyes--something beyond her words that tells me it’s time to return to Greenlee. I need to leave the situation before we both give ourselves away in front of the few patrons that have made their way into the bar since my initial arrival.  
  
“Kendall please,” I beg of her hoping to silently persuade her to push those impending thoughts of discussion aside for a while, “Greenlee needs me right now.”  
  
“I know she does,” she relents withdrawing her hand from mine before taking a step back. “I just wish…”  
  
“I know,” I finish for her seeing the truth behind her sad eyes. Her thoughts mirror my own.   
  
We’ve both been through so much with one another during the years. We’ve had our share of ups and downs. We’ve had our highs and lows in our relationship. While I wanted more than anything to hate her, I know that I can’t. I could never find it in me to forget what I once felt for her. I love her and I always have. I know she’s never felt what I did for her. For a while I tried to pretend it wasn’t there, but I know better now. I know that our night with one another was about our pain, but something else happened between us. Something was there that we’d kept hiding from all of these year with one another. We provided an outlet to share it with one another through our pain, but now the truth behind our motivations would be the key to our undoing should we find it in us to explore what was really taking place between us. Even now a part of me wants to comfort her--to tell her that I won’t cause her anymore pain. I want to say to her that somehow we will find a way to move beyond this situation and return to the lives we had before Zach and Greenlee disappeared. I want to prove to myself more than anything that this hasn’t changed me, but I know better. Looking into Kendall’s eyes I realize that. We both do.   
  
“I really need to go be there for Greenlee,” I finally blurt out knowing the woman I love is back at the hospital fighting for her life while I’m simply losing myself to the thought of what once was and what never should have been. I love Greenlee with all that I am and that hasn’t changed. I want to share a life with her.   
  
Kendall and I are simply a complication. We were never meant to seek out one another, but now that we have it will only destroy us when the truth is revealed. When Greenlee learns of how I sought out comfort in Kendall I know her eyes won’t have the same glow about them that they did when we were together before. She won’t look at me as her hero anymore, but rather she’ll have the disappointment behind her eyes that will undoubtedly be the death of me. She’ll hate me for all that I’ve done just as I hate myself, but for now I need to stay strong. I need to be there for her without facing the reality that I’ve put myself into by daring to deceive my heart in believing Greenlee was dead.  
  
“I know Aidan,” Kendall’s words draw me back to the moment again. She reaches out to touch my shoulder before our eyes meet once more. “She needs you.”  
  
“Just like Zach needs you,” I whisper giving her one last look while my mind goes through a contemplation of what might have been.   
  
I know now that I can’t erase the past. I can’t go back in time and turn this situation around for either one of us, but what I can do is be there for Greenlee. I can bring her back to health again. I will stay at her side and be all that she needs. I’ll keep praying to the heavens above to bring back the warmth and spirit to woman I love so very much. I can love her with all that I am and show her just what kind of hold I have on her heart, but the worst part of it all is that I can’t promise that I will never hurt her again. It’s too late for that.


End file.
